When I was ten years old I was introduced to R.L. Stine and my internal chemistry changed.
I fell in love with ghosts, aliens, spirits and all sorts of creatures that R.L Stine, Stephen King, X-Files, Supernatural and the likes introduced me too. I enjoy reading scary books, watching a bit of horror, and watching repeats of Supernatural over and over again.
And I am afraid of the dark.
One would say that all that I read and watch make up all the ingredients that lead to my fear of the dark. That could be true. But I got afraid of the dark way before I met R.L.Stine. I was having some crazy vivid nightmares back when I was 6 and 7. Screaming in the middle of the night was the one thing I was good at. If you played poker, betting on me to scream at least once every week was a sure win. I think my fear of the dark stemmed from something completely different, and some of the books/movies I read/watch have actually helped a great deal in how I deal with the dark-sort of.
For most of last year, I left one of the corridor’s light on and had reruns of Big Bang Theory on repeat on my laptop play all night to help me sleep. Last week we were told the electricity bill was going to go up for some ‘corruption friendly’ reason and I really can’t deal with my bill being any higher than it currently is, so I thought I would try sleeping as normal people do. No lights.
It doesn’t get completely dark when I switch off my lights, the security lights from the other houses illuminate me enough to be able to see a little; I don’t think I can do complete darkness. The problem with this is I start seeing things. The pillow on the seat in the sitting room starts morphing into someone lying there. A cat jumps onto the living room table and just stares at me. Sometimes I start dozing off and I open my eyes just in time to see the cat was making its way into my room. It stops and just looks at me. I rub my eyes and look again. No cat. I stand up and go to the living room and move all the cushions away from my line of view. Closing my bedroom door is not an option. I see things, I hear people, I have had to get out of bed and switch on the lights to dissolve whatever image my mind has conjured. It doesn’t help that sometimes I know it is not real, if I keep seeing it I start questioning myself too.
So my nights are filled with toss and turns, struggling to keep my eyes open because I’m afraid of what will happen if I close them, I can’t turn my back to the door and watch the glorious night sky from my window either because I will not see whatever will be coming to get me until it is too late, and also, clouds are very good at changing shapes into whatever you want them to be. My night thoughts are not to be trusted around clouds.
At some point, probably in the wee hours of the morning, I will finally drift off to sleep. If it is a weekend, I can sleep away the whole morning. I find it a lot easier sleeping during the day. It’s very relaxing. If it’s a weekday, I will have loads of coffee.
Today, I opted for tea. This is my third cup of tea since I got to work. Maybe I will stick to coffee next time.